tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post3901696388810994532..comments2023-06-01T05:58:51.997-07:00Comments on Editing (MM422): Topeka's immigrant population continues to evolveRegina Cassellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04060298634467517339noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-58490445292938231742015-12-01T09:46:26.801-08:002015-12-01T09:46:26.801-08:00I am not sure why there is white in the background...I am not sure why there is white in the background. It can be very distracting. Good article.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03491079946480679001noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-61945253757168559472015-11-30T21:10:57.488-08:002015-11-30T21:10:57.488-08:00Great headline change! I like the use of the word ...Great headline change! I like the use of the word "evolve". I like that you made the story shorter and to the point. Good job!Michaela Olberdinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07004288344085279295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-72400696820006670902015-11-30T19:06:25.276-08:002015-11-30T19:06:25.276-08:00The white and the font makes it hard for me to rea...The white and the font makes it hard for me to read. Good story, I went to a 501 school.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04156632950972041591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-57135723268604363702015-11-30T17:43:18.439-08:002015-11-30T17:43:18.439-08:00Good job! Great information. I agree with Sydney a...Good job! Great information. I agree with Sydney about the headline.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07420193873114415751noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-90918485671755316042015-11-30T16:43:14.470-08:002015-11-30T16:43:14.470-08:00Unique topic. Edits are nice, but I still think th...Unique topic. Edits are nice, but I still think the headline could be a bit more compelling.SydneyLHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08547950717844365741noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-65107756316262791152015-11-30T08:08:11.456-08:002015-11-30T08:08:11.456-08:00Interesting topic. Good edits. Interesting topic. Good edits. Trevinedelmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00644014434071085284noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-69224280301415729442015-11-27T20:50:05.806-08:002015-11-27T20:50:05.806-08:00very informative article, I like it.very informative article, I like it.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08986458704170497564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-52556176973935421792015-11-25T09:21:13.050-08:002015-11-25T09:21:13.050-08:00The number of working-age Americans, between ages ...The number of working-age Americans, between ages 35 to 44, has decreased in Topeka over recent years. (take out the comma before and after the phrase "between ages 35 to 44").Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11693627680739888458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-17872554039169595912015-11-23T18:52:54.677-08:002015-11-23T18:52:54.677-08:00Instead of saying "there has been a 7 percent...Instead of saying "there has been a 7 percent increase of Latin and Asian Americans between the years of 2000 to 2013." I would simply say there was a 7 percent increase..."Cathryne Klisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07156237965938779149noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-62769200790590555752015-11-23T07:32:39.810-08:002015-11-23T07:32:39.810-08:00Love the headline and it shows you put the time an...Love the headline and it shows you put the time and effort into writing this. I would change "Topeka is not known for being the most international city..." to "Topeka is not known for being the most diverse city" Otherwise, well done!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15721144001840493511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-43596105388676822752015-11-13T09:02:43.655-08:002015-11-13T09:02:43.655-08:00Good, solid headline. It helps that you included s...Good, solid headline. It helps that you included statistics and other research-based evidence to support your facts. One thing I would change is instead of saying, "Thanks to the English learning programs for immigrants," I'd say "The education and job market has doubled in five years in response to the presence of English learning programs for immigrants." Interesting piece. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18117447719940392999noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-27436659006808139392015-11-12T15:58:36.316-08:002015-11-12T15:58:36.316-08:00"but this recent growth of the immigrant popu..."but this recent growth of the immigrant population" I would maybe change this to "The growing diversity in Topeka" or something similar. Other than that I like this story, and I agree with Bree Zuchowski, you did your research and it shows. #starAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03530664019624256517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-35585042624234481212015-11-10T23:23:49.590-08:002015-11-10T23:23:49.590-08:00I agree with both Kara and Bree, great story and y...I agree with both Kara and Bree, great story and you can absolutely tell you have done your research. In the second paragraph, I would add a comma after "backgrounds, who." You did a really great job of being AP style and grammatically correct.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00546756473875671715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-80573699197432955522015-11-09T07:52:45.236-08:002015-11-09T07:52:45.236-08:00Looks like you've done your research on this t...Looks like you've done your research on this topic! Love it. I think in the last paragraph you can take out "Topeka is not known for being the most international city" and can just start it with "This recent.." Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-83400645966161068032015-11-08T17:58:41.733-08:002015-11-08T17:58:41.733-08:00Great story! In the third paragraph, I would chang...Great story! In the third paragraph, I would change the second sentence from "has been decreased" to "decreased."Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08981167437803624417noreply@blogger.com