tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post4162388849775424184..comments2023-06-01T05:58:51.997-07:00Comments on Editing (MM422): Kansas hike rate increases residents energy bill [Edit]Regina Cassellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04060298634467517339noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-62468608597951167682015-12-03T20:04:25.909-08:002015-12-03T20:04:25.909-08:00Good job! I agree with Kara, the opinion need to a...Good job! I agree with Kara, the opinion need to avoid.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08986458704170497564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-12283047943035189202015-11-30T19:46:08.372-08:002015-11-30T19:46:08.372-08:00I think that the headline is better than the origi...I think that the headline is better than the original post. It grabs the readers attention well. I also agree there are some opinions but other than that I thought you did a great job editing Michaela Olberdinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07004288344085279295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-87318566663802255532015-11-30T19:45:56.838-08:002015-11-30T19:45:56.838-08:00This comment has been removed by the author.Michaela Olberdinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07004288344085279295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-45803687471494464802015-11-30T19:45:53.132-08:002015-11-30T19:45:53.132-08:00I think that the head line is better than the orig...I think that the head line is better than the original post. It grabs the readers attention well. I also agree there are some opinions but other than that I thought you did a great job editing Michaela Olberdinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07004288344085279295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-25235499409822717582015-11-30T16:04:34.196-08:002015-11-30T16:04:34.196-08:00Good edit. Definitely made the article more object...Good edit. Definitely made the article more objective.SydneyLHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08547950717844365741noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-18871089893087793182015-11-30T16:04:28.957-08:002015-11-30T16:04:28.957-08:00Good edit. Definitely made the article more object...Good edit. Definitely made the article more objective.SydneyLHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08547950717844365741noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-83946731049764851422015-11-20T07:27:55.446-08:002015-11-20T07:27:55.446-08:00"The residents of Kansas should unite..."..."The residents of Kansas should unite..." This still presents an opinion, but other than that, I like the new edits and the headline fits well with the story. Good job!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15721144001840493511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-53152465471036972342015-11-07T12:40:12.289-08:002015-11-07T12:40:12.289-08:00The changes made really helped delete the subjecti...The changes made really helped delete the subjective, bias tone from the previous version. New headline is also way better because it tells us what the story will be about. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18117447719940392999noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-21484295361576843672015-11-02T11:55:45.309-08:002015-11-02T11:55:45.309-08:00I thought the edit was good! There is still some o...I thought the edit was good! There is still some opinion that needs to be fixed, but it was a great edit!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08981167437803624417noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-87049070992664128502015-10-24T12:38:23.087-07:002015-10-24T12:38:23.087-07:00Awesome job! The only thing I saw was in the third...Awesome job! The only thing I saw was in the third paragraph take the d off united or make phrase it differently.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07420193873114415751noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-72910821136037381082015-10-21T08:08:57.999-07:002015-10-21T08:08:57.999-07:00Good article. and this is still BS.Good article. and this is still BS.Trevinedelmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00644014434071085284noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-38476299374268794192015-10-21T08:07:18.708-07:002015-10-21T08:07:18.708-07:00I thought these changes were good and well thought...I thought these changes were good and well thought out. I agree, the persuasion needs to be taken out at the end of the article. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-29873007819596922582015-10-21T07:58:05.057-07:002015-10-21T07:58:05.057-07:00There are also some opinions remaining in the arti...There are also some opinions remaining in the article that need to be omitted. Remember to keep articles objective. Cathryne Klisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07156237965938779149noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-78702085654468914422015-10-21T07:56:45.934-07:002015-10-21T07:56:45.934-07:00Due to the new hike rate, residents energy bill wi...Due to the new hike rate, residents energy bill will rise about $5 to $7 a month per customer starting November 2015. "Residents" needs to be plural and possessive, change to residents'.Cathryne Klisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07156237965938779149noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-64346929335788484042015-10-18T21:38:33.156-07:002015-10-18T21:38:33.156-07:00I like Olivia Marshalls comments on this, I feel l...I like Olivia Marshalls comments on this, I feel like with those changes this would be a great post. Overall this post flows really well.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04156632950972041591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-14679019169240650062015-10-03T18:37:12.614-07:002015-10-03T18:37:12.614-07:00It is ironic, you made the two major changes I had... It is ironic, you made the two major changes I had mentioned in the original post. :) Great edited version. In the paragraph "Kansas residents ...." change United, to Unite. Other than that, looks great!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03530664019624256517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-49853796118381500392015-10-01T23:35:51.427-07:002015-10-01T23:35:51.427-07:00I think the changes you made were needed and neces...I think the changes you made were needed and necessary for the flow of the article. In the last paragraph, "The residents of Kansas should united" should either be "be united or should unite. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00546756473875671715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-20965622170037874752015-09-30T07:51:09.935-07:002015-09-30T07:51:09.935-07:00Paragraph 1:
-Sept. 24, 2015
- change "is goi...Paragraph 1:<br />-Sept. 24, 2015<br />- change "is going to" to "may" (don't want to make false claims)<br />Paragraph 2:<br />-Kansas Corporation Commission *has*<br />-take out "way past the year" and change to "until after 2045."<br />Paragraph 3<br />-"should unite" -- if this is an editorial, you can say "should" otherwise, you might consider a different word.<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11693627680739888458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-54641841491450275232015-09-30T07:50:12.189-07:002015-09-30T07:50:12.189-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11693627680739888458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-87420431523643698162015-09-28T12:57:14.241-07:002015-09-28T12:57:14.241-07:00The changes that you made we very good. I personal...The changes that you made we very good. I personally would still try to take out the persuasion that is in the last paragraph "The residents of Kansas should unite to oppose this continued air polluting coal power plants..." and "Kansas residents should be outraged that this hike rate is justified..." Its important that the reader comes up with their own opinion. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03491079946480679001noreply@blogger.com