tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post4538144653277054554..comments2023-06-01T05:58:51.997-07:00Comments on Editing (MM422): Washburn under construction [EDIT]Regina Cassellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04060298634467517339noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-70682215711540497462015-12-03T19:49:58.655-08:002015-12-03T19:49:58.655-08:00Good job! Your edits made the story flow better. b...Good job! Your edits made the story flow better. but can add sapce between paragraphs.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08986458704170497564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-88458597871986654172015-11-30T15:54:07.643-08:002015-11-30T15:54:07.643-08:00The story now flows better and is more objective. ...The story now flows better and is more objective. I still think that quotes from students would make it more credible.SydneyLHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08547950717844365741noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-7783064539651175222015-11-30T15:53:59.076-08:002015-11-30T15:53:59.076-08:00The story now flows better and is more objective. ...The story now flows better and is more objective. I still think that quotes from students would make it more credible.SydneyLHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08547950717844365741noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-47713220683911544652015-09-21T07:43:49.745-07:002015-09-21T07:43:49.745-07:00Hey, those are some good edits that you made. I al...Hey, those are some good edits that you made. I always felt that parking needed to expand for Washburn. The little parking lot they built was a sorry excuse for expanding.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04156632950972041591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-57218409879202375602015-09-21T07:42:52.820-07:002015-09-21T07:42:52.820-07:00I would not end the story with a question. It make...I would not end the story with a question. It makes the reader feel like they learned nothing, even though you had good content. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18361349413984093943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-52207144065668168872015-09-17T16:09:08.867-07:002015-09-17T16:09:08.867-07:00I agree, I think all of your edits made the story ...I agree, I think all of your edits made the story flow better and just more of a story in general. "Morgan hall which is almost completed and already looks beautiful." reads awkwardly to me. Maybe instead you could say, Morgan hall, though not yet complete, already looks beautiful. The completion of this project is set for _________. I think you made great edits and did a great job!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00546756473875671715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-66475054371468335922015-09-15T18:46:45.542-07:002015-09-15T18:46:45.542-07:00All the editing you did made the story flow better...All the editing you did made the story flow better. There were just a few punctuation and spelling errors (in the first sentence, the letters in "observe" were switched around). Other than that, this was a more well-written version! Well done!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15721144001840493511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-23923658747161027822015-09-13T18:20:21.075-07:002015-09-13T18:20:21.075-07:00All the edits were done very well. The new edits m...All the edits were done very well. The new edits made the story flow more and made the article appear more objective than subjective. I found it easier to see the main points about the article. Good job!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03491079946480679001noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-85501502085612976582015-09-08T19:57:05.471-07:002015-09-08T19:57:05.471-07:00In the first sentence I believe that you meant to ...In the first sentence I believe that you meant to say "observe" instead of "obverse." Overall, I would say this is a good edit. I think that it reads smoother although the sentence, "The KBI building too is near completion." is a bit awkward. I would recommend saying, "The KBI is nearing completion as well."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-18010161775881018222015-09-08T12:47:03.393-07:002015-09-08T12:47:03.393-07:00I see a few missed punctuation points, but I also ...I see a few missed punctuation points, but I also think that these senteces need to be combined with an and, "Morgan hall which is almost completed and already looks beautiful. The KBI building too is near completion." Otherwise, I enjoyed it, with its describtions and details. Good work.Josh Wallentinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00384765534669045594noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-63715849819562346462015-09-08T12:46:43.675-07:002015-09-08T12:46:43.675-07:00The edits made to this story give the story purpos...The edits made to this story give the story purpose. In the previous article, the facts seemed kind of random and left me asking, so what? But the edits set up the sentences better and give the reader an idea as to why they are important. Cathryne Klisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07156237965938779149noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-82330164473471418042015-09-08T12:45:58.413-07:002015-09-08T12:45:58.413-07:00The edits made to this story give the story purpos...The edits made to this story give the story purpose. In the previous article, the facts seemed kind of random and left me asking, so what? But the edits set up the sentences better and give the reader an idea as to why they are important. Cathryne Klisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07156237965938779149noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-3276182773005640942015-09-07T19:39:39.120-07:002015-09-07T19:39:39.120-07:00Your edits made the story more readable and gave i...Your edits made the story more readable and gave it a much better flow. It was much less choppy and all over the place. However, instead of writing in one large paragraph, I would recommend breaking it up into smaller paragraphs making it more readable and less intimidating. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08981167437803624417noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-57896617773477244662015-09-06T12:36:38.041-07:002015-09-06T12:36:38.041-07:00All the edits made were highly beneficial for this...All the edits made were highly beneficial for this news story. Certain edits helped me comprehend the construction topic more fluidly. I would still eliminate the question at the end of the story and add to the headline to make it more attractive. You need to make sure to spell out the names of acronyms and then use the acronym itself on the second reference (i.e. KSNT). Do not use any personal opinions or adjectives in news writing (i.e. "already looks beautiful"). Overall, this story was improved in several ways. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18117447719940392999noreply@blogger.com