tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post5629581956407626776..comments2023-06-01T05:58:51.997-07:00Comments on Editing (MM422): Mysterious Religious Group Making Others Feel Awkward Regina Cassellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04060298634467517339noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-9362428000482655812015-11-30T15:48:06.434-08:002015-11-30T15:48:06.434-08:00I'm glad you chose to write about this topic b...I'm glad you chose to write about this topic because it is super relevant! I think almost all students have had this experience. The only thing I would say is your headline makes a bit of a judgment. Providing quotes from specific students saying they felt "awkward" would give you more credibility.SydneyLHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08547950717844365741noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-71274427548612603532015-11-30T15:48:01.863-08:002015-11-30T15:48:01.863-08:00I'm glad you chose to write about this topic b...I'm glad you chose to write about this topic because it is super relevant! I think almost all students have had this experience. The only thing I would say is your headline makes a bit of a judgment. Providing quotes from specific students saying they felt "awkward" would give you more credibility.SydneyLHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08547950717844365741noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-39345828019057661162015-11-02T12:05:39.243-08:002015-11-02T12:05:39.243-08:00Very interesting post! Very interesting post! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08981167437803624417noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-73433571790096176912015-09-08T10:18:01.268-07:002015-09-08T10:18:01.268-07:00overall. it is a good news peg. The title "My...overall. it is a good news peg. The title "Mysterious Religious Group Making Others Feel Awkward ", you do not need to capitalize every word's first letter, it is better to change to "Mysterious religious group making others feel awkward "Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08986458704170497564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-81700636374202447942015-09-04T07:33:24.422-07:002015-09-04T07:33:24.422-07:00You could seperate the first paragraph and have on...You could seperate the first paragraph and have only a one sentence lede. Make the second sentence a part of the second paragraph. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18361349413984093943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-5895130711388438532015-09-03T18:59:52.325-07:002015-09-03T18:59:52.325-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Michaela Olberdinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07004288344085279295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-87964009499984817622015-09-03T18:59:45.027-07:002015-09-03T18:59:45.027-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Michaela Olberdinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07004288344085279295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-41542626927873690802015-09-03T18:59:33.774-07:002015-09-03T18:59:33.774-07:00When you are writing make sure that not only peopl...When you are writing make sure that not only people that attend Washburn would understand what you are referring to. <br /><br />For example, <br /><br />"There seems to be many people around campus who are avoiding the group, and going out of their way to get to their desired location without interacting with the group."<br /><br />What is going out of their way? <br /><br />We are all learning so keep up the good job! Michaela Olberdinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07004288344085279295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-32253501082391030982015-09-02T07:42:04.618-07:002015-09-02T07:42:04.618-07:00There are some unnecessary words sprinkled in, as ...There are some unnecessary words sprinkled in, as well as some tense disagreements throughout the post. <br /><br />In P3, you used the phrase "very well" and "awkward" -- try stating things in a different way to not sound as repetitive. You also say the word "it" and "this," which makes it a little difficult to understand exactly which subject you are referring to. I had to go back and be sure I knew exactly what you meant. <br /><br />You did well conveying both sides of the issue, although the negative side of the argument was a bit strong-worded. I was curious how the people "not handling" it were reacting.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11693627680739888458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-12671847384026564032015-09-02T07:32:49.623-07:002015-09-02T07:32:49.623-07:00I think the title: "Mysterious religious grou...I think the title: "Mysterious religious group making others feel awkward " is maybe a little subjective/one side. Perhaps some people do not feel awkward. However, I agree with your tittle and post.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00539629333194858609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-33440010482120234042015-09-02T07:22:44.170-07:002015-09-02T07:22:44.170-07:00In the sentence "The group locates their stud...In the sentence "The group locates their study areas at prime targets during certain parts of the day", it's a little unclear as to whether the group's "prime targets" are people in particular or certain busy hot spots on campus. The sentence itself is just a little awkward. There are also sentences that use a comma when it is not necessary, such as "There seems to be many people around campus who are avoiding the group, and going out of their way to get to their desired location without interacting with the group." The comma in this case would not need to be in front of the "and". I would also suggest that if you could find out what the name of the group is, use their official name rather than just referring to them as a "group". These are just a couple of errors that stuck out to me. All that aside, it is a very interesting article!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15721144001840493511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-63854255284619096522015-09-02T07:22:01.803-07:002015-09-02T07:22:01.803-07:00There are a few AP Style errors in this post. Over...There are a few AP Style errors in this post. Overall, the wording of this post does not flow well. Additionally, the post contains passive voice. As for the content, this story is not very compelling and very one sided. If more information about the group and their purpose was provided this story would be more interesting. Cathryne Klisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07156237965938779149noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-1704874157316646742015-09-02T07:21:39.740-07:002015-09-02T07:21:39.740-07:00"Mysterious religious group on campus" c..."Mysterious religious group on campus" could just be the title. I would adjust the third paragraph a little. There are also a few run-on sentences that can be adjusted as well. You should also reword some sentences to make them more straightforward. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18105774946599752560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-42507736417491920542015-09-02T07:21:32.914-07:002015-09-02T07:21:32.914-07:00I looked in the AP style book and it says to capit...I looked in the AP style book and it says to capitalize Bible if referred to the Scriptures and lowercase bible as nonreligious. Otherwise good post!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07420193873114415751noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-6346721246920504442015-09-02T07:20:18.652-07:002015-09-02T07:20:18.652-07:00As state from other people i think Bible should be...As state from other people i think Bible should be capitalized. I feel that you should find another word besides awkward so much in the last paragraph.<br />I also feel that this sentence "One thing is for certain though, this group may be around campus for many more days outside of Henderson and on the steps of the Union, asking people if they would like to have a bible study session." is really long and can be split up or reworded to be shorter. But overall, this is a good article and you address multiple views on the subject. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04156632950972041591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-90770517454468176012015-09-02T07:19:52.174-07:002015-09-02T07:19:52.174-07:00I have been stopped by these people multiple times...I have been stopped by these people multiple times as well so I'm glad you chose to write about this topic. Overall, I would say it was a good article with a few things to change. "Bible" needs to be capitalized like David said. Also there are a few awkward sentences that could be reworded. For example, "There are many folks who appreciate this group doing this..." you can say "There are many folks who appreciate the message and goal that this group is trying to convey..."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-54324621796764992302015-09-02T07:18:27.729-07:002015-09-02T07:18:27.729-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18105774946599752560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-6170575526152520992015-09-02T07:17:44.667-07:002015-09-02T07:17:44.667-07:00I think you did a great job on your blog post. I h...I think you did a great job on your blog post. I have encountered that group on campus as well. The title is a tad long. Maybe you could do something just something short and sweet, but still in a catchy, interesting title. Other than that, I would capitalize bible and change the sentence about where their are at the end of the day. It is a sentence of a lot of information. I would consider it a run-on. I think this was a good issue to write about, and I think you did a great job portraying it through your post.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00546756473875671715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-75861595590105117222015-09-02T07:15:29.046-07:002015-09-02T07:15:29.046-07:00When writing a news story you must eliminate all a...When writing a news story you must eliminate all adjectives and any other form of "fluff." News writing needs to be direct and terse. With that being said a new, shorter headline could be "Religious group affects Washburn students." Make sure only to capitalize important pronouns in the headline. Another tip would be to clarify locations when you first mention them. An example would be to say Henderson Learning Center and Memorial Union rather than just Henderson and the Union. I would divide the third paragraph into two segments because of its excessive length. Overall, the topic was interesting and you provided good details. You just need to polish up a few things and you'll be golden. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18117447719940392999noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-4190415264268440802015-09-02T07:14:30.600-07:002015-09-02T07:14:30.600-07:00On the last paragraph maybe say "...this grou...On the last paragraph maybe say "...this group may be around campus for a while " instead of saying "...this group may be around campus for many more days..."<br />Maybe get a quote from someone who has experienced this group. I would also ask the students in this group what they call their group. <br />I have experienced two of these people and it was annoying. Very interesting article and very current!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03491079946480679001noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-80734246330251171792015-09-02T07:13:04.717-07:002015-09-02T07:13:04.717-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03491079946480679001noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-29321769423027833662015-09-02T07:13:01.695-07:002015-09-02T07:13:01.695-07:00These people have stopped me, and it drives me cra...These people have stopped me, and it drives me crazy. I noticed that the word "Bible" should be capitalized. There are a few run-on sentences such as "There are many people who do not handle God being thrust upon their way of thinking very well. On top of those who do not handle that very well, what about the mass of people who are too awkward to say they did not have time for a bible study and instead sat there awkwardly?"<br />The first sentence is a little awkward when read, and the second just seems long. Overall though an enjoyable and informative read. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03530664019624256517noreply@blogger.com