tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post6139633339581552359..comments2023-06-01T05:58:51.997-07:00Comments on Editing (MM422): A Warrior's Homecoming (Edited) Regina Cassellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04060298634467517339noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-24417756776724074952014-09-06T20:56:49.416-07:002014-09-06T20:56:49.416-07:00Great job!!! This was already a great story but th...Great job!!! This was already a great story but the changes you added were perfect and made it more captivating. I like both titles so its hard to say which one I like better, which is a good thing. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02145349941021806928noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-8725771769031134052014-09-04T12:46:44.883-07:002014-09-04T12:46:44.883-07:00This story was well edited and I enjoyed the chang...This story was well edited and I enjoyed the changes. You kept all the important details and helped expand on them.Brianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12023996784574735793noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-13867986162358268552014-09-04T09:08:23.839-07:002014-09-04T09:08:23.839-07:00I like those details that you added. The change of...I like those details that you added. The change of the title is great!Zai Yujiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00224768483613303556noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-84951164448624315622014-09-04T08:46:36.887-07:002014-09-04T08:46:36.887-07:00You did a terrific job at making the story more al...You did a terrific job at making the story more alive with adding a lot of adjectives and adverbs. The title makes it sound very heroic. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03729556269449028539noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-58639523434276988462014-09-01T20:54:12.087-07:002014-09-01T20:54:12.087-07:00It was a great piece and a great title. You provid...It was a great piece and a great title. You provided great detail and did a great job of putting your readers in the moment.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08342334703162607135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-27652511874486527592014-09-01T17:56:22.506-07:002014-09-01T17:56:22.506-07:00Good job, Megan. I like how you kept some of the n...Good job, Megan. I like how you kept some of the necessary details, such as the man being nervous as the flight descended. I also like how you changed a few things to make them more details, like when you described that the little girls were the ones screaming in the airport. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12137679357718093245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-18999237272909817042014-09-01T15:23:13.739-07:002014-09-01T15:23:13.739-07:00Awesome title. It looks like you did a great job e...Awesome title. It looks like you did a great job editing Monica's story.JennFunkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12019608744038730627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-72884220742363550822014-09-01T14:57:56.429-07:002014-09-01T14:57:56.429-07:00I really like the new title. It really gives the s...I really like the new title. It really gives the story the justice it deserves! This was a great story. Great job.<br /><br />Emily - I think it should be "A middle aged man (No comma) in the aisle seat wearing a crisp navy t-shirt with the logo of the wounded Warrior Project (No comma) held two teddy bears in his arms. - Like it's written here by Megan. But I'm not 100% sure. <br />Thanks,<br />Johanna :)Johanna Greerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16253194396023284583noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-25693608344100911702014-08-31T10:10:47.938-07:002014-08-31T10:10:47.938-07:00Nice job, Megan! I also really like the change to ...Nice job, Megan! I also really like the change to the headline. Question - I've been trying to get all of these rules about commas down and am wondering about the sentence, "A middle aged man in the aisle seat wearing a crisp navy t-shirt with the logo of the wounded Warrior Project held two teddy bears in his arms."<br /><br />Should it be written with commas like, "A middle aged man, in the aisle seat wearing a crisp navy t-shirt with the logo of the wounded Warrior Project, held two teddy bears in his arms," or without like you originally had it? It comes down to whether the phrase in question is is restrictive or nonrestrictive (parenthetical) to the meaning of the sentence. (Page 25 in our textbook) I would lean toward nonrestrictive, which does call for commas to set off the parenthetical items. <br /><br />What do you guys think? Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06914354219737276049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-36979790730975005852014-08-28T15:35:08.294-07:002014-08-28T15:35:08.294-07:00The headline change was well done. I also want to ...The headline change was well done. I also want to commend you on the added details. They added to the imagery the reader was able to experience. Good job!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00246883693786513243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-2908145996167652132014-08-28T11:30:47.685-07:002014-08-28T11:30:47.685-07:00I really like the title change. It is short, sweet...I really like the title change. It is short, sweet and packs a punch. I know I'm going to enjoy these pieces because they are "fluff" pieces and those are my favorite to read. Question about quotations, don't they normally go in there own paragraph, or is that a different style? Trying to wrap my head around rules is a nightmare!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-7161746624042588172014-08-28T09:16:16.439-07:002014-08-28T09:16:16.439-07:00I really enjoy this piece! There's a lot of vi...I really enjoy this piece! There's a lot of vivid imagery- I can feel it, I can see it. I got a little teary-eyed. This is another moment that happens so often it can sometimes go unnoticed. I really like the title change, I think its simple and too the point -also very fitting for the story.Sarah Seuellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03704460586168182749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-82416037719300271432014-08-27T21:37:45.902-07:002014-08-27T21:37:45.902-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12021415795650825923noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-92106091338010311602014-08-27T21:37:30.860-07:002014-08-27T21:37:30.860-07:00I liked the title. It set the tone for the whole s...I liked the title. It set the tone for the whole story.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12021415795650825923noreply@blogger.com