tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post9184005444513880506..comments2023-06-01T05:58:51.997-07:00Comments on Editing (MM422): Big events on campus this ThursdayRegina Cassellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04060298634467517339noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-74307670370467962012015-12-03T20:11:13.744-08:002015-12-03T20:11:13.744-08:00Nice job! I would explain at the beginning what &q...Nice job! I would explain at the beginning what "It's On Us Pledge" is about.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00539629333194858609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-15747171820887456752015-12-01T09:09:25.650-08:002015-12-01T09:09:25.650-08:00Great job! I would just change the headline.Great job! I would just change the headline.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03491079946480679001noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-69755429325642304062015-11-30T20:50:50.489-08:002015-11-30T20:50:50.489-08:00Great job on grammar! I was not aware of these eve...Great job on grammar! I was not aware of these events and I'm glad they were brought up! I think the headline could have been a little betterMichaela Olberdinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07004288344085279295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-30677163093705746292015-11-30T18:21:50.906-08:002015-11-30T18:21:50.906-08:00Great information to know. I would adjust the stor...Great information to know. I would adjust the story like everyone suggested. Otherwise well done. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18105774946599752560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-3654444203068748532015-11-30T16:32:26.409-08:002015-11-30T16:32:26.409-08:00The article is great, but it would be beneficial t...The article is great, but it would be beneficial to have a headline that enticed your audience a bit more!SydneyLHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08547950717844365741noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-18468989798972275262015-11-30T08:15:10.767-08:002015-11-30T08:15:10.767-08:00Well done! Good last sentence to add interest. Well done! Good last sentence to add interest. Trevinedelmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00644014434071085284noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-39799719211336427482015-11-30T08:05:39.871-08:002015-11-30T08:05:39.871-08:00I think it is awesome that you have links to more ...I think it is awesome that you have links to more information. Great story. I would split up paragraphs.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04156632950972041591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-2515996285330313812015-11-27T21:05:54.532-08:002015-11-27T21:05:54.532-08:00Good story, but the headline is hard to attractive...Good story, but the headline is hard to attractive audiencesAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08986458704170497564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-43510580966963626132015-11-20T08:44:28.081-08:002015-11-20T08:44:28.081-08:00Great job! I like that you provided links! I agree...Great job! I like that you provided links! I agree with Amy, the headline should reflect what the article is about. Other than that, this was a very informative and well thought out article!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15721144001840493511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-50775774043025855042015-11-08T07:29:44.165-08:002015-11-08T07:29:44.165-08:00Great job! Interesting article and you can tell yo...Great job! Interesting article and you can tell you did your research on the events. I would make the first paragraph two because it's pretty long.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07420193873114415751noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-60650438926245076782015-11-07T13:21:25.269-08:002015-11-07T13:21:25.269-08:00The first paragraph is WAY too long. Define your l...The first paragraph is WAY too long. Define your lede and let it stand alone in the leading paragraph. After reading the story I realized the headline does not tell us what the story will be about so the headline should be rewritten. Maybe say "Washburn strives to promote assault awareness." Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18117447719940392999noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-51016525913566136962015-11-04T19:07:24.945-08:002015-11-04T19:07:24.945-08:00I thought this was very informative and well writt...I thought this was very informative and well written! I would give credentials to Dr. Sharon Sullivan and say who she is. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-86158855859243964282015-11-01T16:55:26.911-08:002015-11-01T16:55:26.911-08:00Like the others have commented, check your wording...Like the others have commented, check your wording. Remove unnecessary adjectives and other words. Interesting article though :) Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03530664019624256517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-43080305851111590352015-10-28T11:27:39.387-07:002015-10-28T11:27:39.387-07:00I would omit the word lucky before lucky few to be...I would omit the word lucky before lucky few to be chosen this year in the second paragraph. I read it as sarcastic, which I know isn't how you meant it. Also, break the first paragraph up into two paragraphs, it is a little lengthy for a news article. Otherwise, great job!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08981167437803624417noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-17337767306099683762015-10-27T23:23:54.019-07:002015-10-27T23:23:54.019-07:00This year a sexual assault task force was implemen...This year a sexual assault task force was implemented into the senate that promotes awareness, implements safety precautions and provides a safe atmosphere for students on our campus.<br /><br />I am not sure, but I think has been is passive voice. It would be better to say This year there has been a sexual assault task force implemented into the senate that promotes awareness, implements safety precautions and provides a safe atmosphere for students on our campus.Cathryne Klisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07156237965938779149noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-73634053695670609802015-10-27T18:42:30.595-07:002015-10-27T18:42:30.595-07:00Add a comma after "safety precautions" i...Add a comma after "safety precautions" in paragraph 1. <br />I would suggest ending paragraph 2 with "on their streets." You don't need the extra words, but that's my own preference. <br />I found the article interesting and informative, as well as journalistic!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11693627680739888458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8373769128375739503.post-33737128831786281862015-10-27T18:42:24.923-07:002015-10-27T18:42:24.923-07:00Add a comma after "safety precautions" i...Add a comma after "safety precautions" in paragraph 1. <br />I would suggest ending paragraph 2 with "on their streets." You don't need the extra words, but that's my own preference. <br />I found the article interesting and informative, as well as journalistic!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11693627680739888458noreply@blogger.com