Wednesday, August 20, 2014

The Birth of A Bond


Through the glass of the intensive care unit, a mother sat patiently awaiting the first meeting with her newly born, baby girl. The baby laid sleeping in a small incubator, covered in tubes and gadgets used to help keep her alive.

Although the baby, who was born just seventeen hours before, was napping, the nurse wasted no time pulling her from the warm glass box she now called home. Unhappy and alarmed by the coldness of the air outside of her new home, the baby let out a shrill, gripping shriek. She screamed and cried out in dismay toward the nurse. She wanted back in the warm box she'd become accustomed to since leaving the comfort of her mothers womb.

The nurse attempted to soothe the baby, but eventually plopped the infant right into her mother's arms. The new mom stared at her precious girl while tears streamed down her face. She smiled. The baby continued to cry, still startled from her abrupt awakening. Mom leaned closer and whispered hello to her new baby. Almost instantly the tantrum stopped. The room went silent. The baby looked up at her mother, feeling more comfortable than she had since leaving the womb. The voice of her mother, the only thing unchanged since her birth, soothing any troubles the baby girl might have. She stared up at her mother, and her mother at her.

They sat that way for what seemed like hours, studying each others faces. The mother matching feet to kicks she had felt earlier that week, and hiccups to the young baby that had grown inside her tummy. The baby matching the comforting voice and heartbeat to her mother's loving embrace.

And just like that, their first of many visits, had ended.

12 comments:

  1. Very descriptive story. Great job! I had one thought while reading the second sentence of your first paragraph: "The baby laid sleeping in a small incubator, covered in tubes and gadgets used to help keep her alive."

    When reading this, I'm a little unsure if it is the incubator that is covered in tubes or if it is the actual baby itself. If it is the baby, perhaps the sentence could be worded like "The baby, covered in tubes and gadgets used to help keep her alive, laid sleeping in a small incubator."

    I think this is mentioned on page 17 of our textbook under the bullet point "put modifiers next to what they modify."

    Just a thought! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think you did a great job capturing this scene. I could picture myself at the hospital watching this moment with my own eyes! You might watch your comma usage. Overall, I think you did a great job!

    ReplyDelete
  3. This must have been a beautiful moment to watch! I was a little confused when I read the title but the story was wonderful.

    ReplyDelete
  4. As a nanny this story really hit a soft spot for me and almost made me tear up. The family I work for just added a new baby girl and it's been a lovely adventure to handle a newborn again. She is now old enough that each time she sees me she recognizes me and smiles, so as I read this I couldn't stop picturing her. Good job.

    ReplyDelete
  5. That story will hit everyone in the feels. Beautifully written!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I really liked this story. It was something I felt like I could relate with for sure. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. What a wonderful story! One of my friends just had a baby and I'm so excited to visit her during fall break.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This was a very nice story. I think you did a good job of placing the reader in the moment. I just noticed a few punctuation errors that may need correcting. Overall, it was a great story.

    ReplyDelete
  9. The title was a bit confusing at first, but makes a lot of sense after reading the story. I liked this story a lot, excellent writing.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I would change a few punctuation issues like mothers to mother's, but outside of a few of those issues it was a good story.

    ReplyDelete
  11. The story is really wonderful. I'm just a little confused about the title.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I also really liked the story but the title was not my favorite. I get it but like others said it can be a little confusing and you don't want your readers to be confused, especially by the title which is what grabs people's attention. Other than that it was a very exciting, unique story!

    ReplyDelete