At 7 p.m. on Sept. 24, 2015, Rainn Wilson, spoke for
Washburn's Lecture Series in the White Concert Hall. He is well known for his
famous character as Dwight Shrute, from the hit TV series, "The
Office". The event was open to students and the public. There was a
suggested donation of $5 or five cans for Can Emporia. Wilson spoke about his
childhood and the struggles of his life as an aspiring actor.
The main focus during his speech was on his company, SoulPancake. SoulPancake is a media brand; for example, it produces the YouTube famous, "Kid President" videos. Its purpose is to encourage and inspire. Wilson wanted something people do not always see now, a brand representing hope.
The main focus during his speech was on his company, SoulPancake. SoulPancake is a media brand; for example, it produces the YouTube famous, "Kid President" videos. Its purpose is to encourage and inspire. Wilson wanted something people do not always see now, a brand representing hope.
Wilson, discussed how he grew up in Seattle, practicing and
learning the religion of Bahai. Wilson's parents would invite random people
over to their house to talk about Christ and religion. Wilson was inspired by
his high school theatre teacher and moved to New York to act in college. He changed
his lifestyle to Bohemian and left his Bahai religion behind him. As he got
older he felt empty inside, so he went on a spiritual journey where he read and
learned many different religions. Eventually he ended back up at the Bahai
religion and is practicing it to this day.
After Wilson's talk, he had a Q&A with a few students that were mainly asking about advice or religion. A book signing followed, Wilson would only sign copies of his books. Wilson's goal is to inspire and give hope, and it showed through his speech tonight.
After Wilson's talk, he had a Q&A with a few students that were mainly asking about advice or religion. A book signing followed, Wilson would only sign copies of his books. Wilson's goal is to inspire and give hope, and it showed through his speech tonight.
The only critiques that I have is make sure that there is a space between the second and third paragraph and I don't think it is necessary when you say "...Wilson would only sign his book." When someone is doing a book signing usually that person is signing what they have produced to the public. Seems kind redundant to me. Other than that I enjoyed the article. Good job!
ReplyDelete-No comma after "Wilson" at the beginning of paragraph 3.
ReplyDelete-"Wilson discussed how he practiced and learned the religion of Bahai when he grew up in Seattle." (possible re-word to make the verb tenses match)
-You might try to find a more descriptive word than "random"
-Consider making a new paragraph starting with "Wilson was inspired by his high school teacher..." or add a little more information/transition to smooth it over.
Good changes were made to this article. The only things I would change are the spacing between paragraphs so it is consistent and after "Eventually" in the third paragraph I would put a comma. Other than that, great job.
ReplyDeleteLike mentioned by Courtney, make sure to format and space your article accordingly :) I like the edit, but maybe in the paragraph when you introduce who Dwight Shrute is, put the network that owns/produced The Office. I am not sure if it is necessary but will give proper credit to the networks. I didn't notice this in the original, but that would apply there. Other than that, Great :)
ReplyDeleteGood edit, but like I stated in the other post, I feel like the phrase "SoulPancake is a media brand; for example, it produces the YouTube famous, "Kid President" videos." reads a little weird. There are a few places where you should omit commas. In the first sentence of the post, you don't need a comma after Rainn Wilson's name. You also don't need the comma after "Wilson" in the first sentence of the third paragraph. Also need space between second and third paragraphs. Other than that, well done!
ReplyDeleteThe thing I saw was the paragraph spacing between 2 and 3. Also I don't think you need a comma after Wilson in the 3rd paragraph. Other than that you did a great job editing!
ReplyDeleteWilson's goal is to inspire and give hope, and it showed through his speech tonight. This is kind of an opinionated statement, I would omit that it showed through his speech tonight.
ReplyDeleteGood edits. More paragraphs
ReplyDeleteGood edit. I agree with a lot of other suggestions. I would definitely break it up into smaller paragraphs to make it easier to read.
ReplyDeleteRewrite your lede. Don't start off with the time, date, place because it's boring and you'll lose your reader immediately. The second paragraph is formatted wrong - I don't know if you're going for two paragraphs or one. Also, don't end the story with your opinion - stay objective.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Amy in that the lede should be more compelling. Other than that, good job.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Amy in that the lede should be more compelling. Other than that, good job.
ReplyDeleteNice edit. Adjust your minor errors and spacing. Otherwise good job.
ReplyDeleteJust small spacing errors and I like that you went more in depth about his career! Great job overall!
ReplyDeleteI like this edit. only need work on spacing.
ReplyDeleteNot a bad edit, but spacing is a problem throughout! Also, did Wilson start speaking exactly at 7pm??
ReplyDelete