Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Frazzled mother navigates airport

Edited by Monica McDougal

Everyone could tell that she was exhausted just by looking at her. She slowly pushed her baby twin boys in a double stroller. One of the boys was sound asleep, and the other was whining. A toddler stumbled around beside them in an attempt to gain the attention of his mom and brothers. The woman's husband walked behind another stroller with a young boy who could not speak, move or respond to actions or words.

Their flight had been delayed for five hours, and their nerves were wearing thin. The toddler was standing in front of the gate to their plane. He was curious and eager to talk to anyone who would give him attention.

The agent at the gate told the toddler to move away from the gate until their plane was ready to board. A few minutes later, the toddler moved through the door, and a stewardess had to escort him back to his family.  The mother sighed and scolded the toddler. Then, the twins began to cry out; the mother could not figure out why her sons were crying. A woman sitting nearby, in an attempt to comfort the frazzled mother, said, "I remember when my twins were that young. What one wanted, the other didn't and I felt like I never had grip on them." The  mother smiled slightly and said, "Yes, especially with four."

The agent then announced that families would be boarding the airplane, and the woman took a deep breath and stood up. She gathered her children and belongings, and then she and her family boarded the plane for a short, 57-minute flight to Providence, Rhode Island. 

The mother barely had a chance to sit down during the flight. The twin boys cried when the change in cabin pressure disturbed them; the mother tried her best to console them. The toddler yelled to try to get attention from his parents and the stewardesses. The mother had to move from one section of seats to the other to make sure that her children were occupied.


When the plane landed, the family waited patiently for the other passengers to exit. Then, they gathered their things and slowly left toward the next leg of their travels.

10 comments:

  1. I like the new title. Good job on the edits.

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  2. This is an awesome headline!!! I'd give it three points. ;) Frazzled is a fantastic awesome adjective and I like navigates as your choice of verb. Nice job! I'd be interested in reading anything that started with "frazzled."

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  3. Your edit is great. I like the title. It's very different from the original and definitely has a newspapery (new word) kind of feel. Someone has been paying attention in class :)

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  4. I like the new title too! Great job!

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  5. This title definitely works better in my opinion. It explained what to expect from the story.

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  6. I liked that the other title was very blunt and to the point, but this one gives the reader more insight into what the story is about. I also like a lot of the edits, sentences flowed more smoothly, but the descriptive detail wasn't lost. I enjoyed the changes very much.

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  7. This title sounds like it's straight from a newspaper. Great job!

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  8. The new title definitely paints a picture from the get-go. I like the improvements you made.

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  9. I thought your edits made the story more clear and flow better. Well done.

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  10. Good job with your edits they add to the story. I also like the change you have made to the title.

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