Thursday, October 2, 2014

Leaving the Nest

Edited


At 6 A.M.  in front of security check at Wuhan International airport,  a girl stood in a long queue waiting for a security check. Her parents were standing behind her. She looked very tired and her head was down.  She held her passport and ticket in her left hand and carried a backpack on her her shoulder that was so heavy she couldn't keep her back straight. Her father hauled her boarding bag, staring at her face and his eyes were full of worry. Her mother was holding her right arm and helping her to fix her loose hair.

After her mother finished fixing her hair, she touched the girl's forehead, and said: “You must take good care of yourself after arrival there. Living alone, you must be careful. The weather always changes, don’t get sick and eat on time. Anyway, take care.”

The girl raised her head, tears in her eyes.

“Don’t cry! Don’t go if you want to cry! If you cry alone overseas, we can’t help you,” her father said with a stern look.

“Don’t say that!” her mother raised voice to her father and said, “I believe my daughter is the best. She can take good care of herself and don’t let us worry about her.”

Her father stayed silent while her mother still held the girl’s arm.

Unconsciously, it was the  girl’s turn to go through security. Her father gave the boarding baggage to her, and said, “If it is too heavy that you can’t put it on the baggage rack, ask a man to help you, also with your check-in luggage, when you arrive, ask someone for help. I don’t believe you can carry it all on your own.”

“Dad, don’t look down on me! You worry too much about me! Please don’t!” the girl said with a curl of her lip. Then, she gave her parents a hug and kissed them. She saw tears in her mother’s eyes, and she turned around.

“Next,” the security check inspector said.

The girl gave her passport and ticket to the inspector. After the inspection, she looked back at her parents, and waved good-bye.

The girl choked back tears said, “Mom, don’t cry, I will miss you, and Dad, take good care of yourself and mom, I will miss you too. Love you.”

Then, the girl turned around, walked through the gate and didn't look back again even as tears fell down her face. 

14 comments:

  1. I like the new title. Good job on the edits. :)

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  2. Nice job, Farai! I think the title change suits the story well, and the edits you made helped the overall flow. :)

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  3. I agree with Emily! Your edits made it all flow together. Good work!

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  4. I really like the ending after you edited. I didn't know how to wrote this ending with right words when I wrote the story. Thank you for your re-writing.

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  5. Thanks guys! Yujie you did a really good job as well

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  6. I love this new title. The edits made the story flow much better. Good job.

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  7. Great job on the edits, the story flows much better. The title is also a great improvement.

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  8. I like the title "Leaving the nest" as well, it fits, and helps tie the story together. The edits are really good, a lot of strong points are now more clear and easy to understand.

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  9. The new headline is nice. It describes the story's content well! I think you did a great job editing this!

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  10. Love the title change it captures the emotion of the story beautifully. The flow is great good job editing the story.

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  11. Very nice and emotional. You had great descriptions and I really like the new title as well. Keep up the good work!

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  12. Great fixes to the minor grammar mistakes in the original story. It was easier to follow but still held the emotion and vividness.

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  13. You cleaned up the grammar while still keeping true to the emotion in the writing. Good job.

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  14. The title works well with the story. I like the change. Good job.

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