Sunday, October 5, 2014

Temporarily Star Struck (Edited)

That can’t be him,” she thought as she squinted her eyes to get a better look. “Why would he be walking out in public alone?”

She continued walking along the sidewalk.  Soon they were closer together. Although she wasn't positive if it was him, she debated turning around or quickly running across the street. He was wearing sunglasses and kept his head down to look at his phone, which made it impossible to tell from so far away. What if it was him? What would she do? What would she say? She wasn't sure if she should say anything, because he appeared to be avoiding making eye contact with others.

Her internal battle didn't last much longer, because she soon realized they were just several feet apart. It was him! Her walking pace began to slow down. Butterflies began to flutter deep in the pit of her stomach. She was too stunned and star struck to know what to say. As they passed each other, he looked up from his phone, smiled at her and said “hey.” She returned his greeting, and the moment was gone before she knew it.

 She was slightly disappointed that she hadn't made the effort to have an actual conversation with him. How could she let that opportunity pass her by? As she made her way to the theater, she decided to be content with the chance meeting that did occur even though it only lasted for about a second. He obviously hadn't wanted to draw attention to himself. Stopping him in the middle of the sidewalk might have triggered a reaction from others.

It’s okay,” she thought to herself. “He probably wouldn't have wanted you to stop him anyway.” 



She reclaimed her spot near the front of the line and waited for the doors of the Granada Theater to open. She would be seeing him again in about an hour. This time, however, he would be the one on stage preforming.

13 comments:

  1. I liked that you changed the last paragraph to explain that he would be on stage performing. It was a good edit.

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  2. I loved the new title. Good job editing this!

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  3. Good job editing, Johanna! I like your headline change, but I think "starstruck" is one word. I'm not positive, but it looked odd to me when I read it and when I looked it up every result I saw was one word. Other than that, I like what you did here!

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  4. I like the subtle edits to keep the suspense of the original story. I really enjoyed the original story and I'm happy to see the edit kept the integrity. I also like the title change.

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  5. I really like your additional paragraph at the end! Its just what this story needed. Good job.

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  6. I think the additional paragraph and the different headline improved the story. Good job.

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  7. I like the title change, but I was also wondering if it would be "starstruck," like Monica pointed out. Overall, very nice job.

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  8. I like you use the words "star struck" define the story. And the additional paragraph is very good.

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  9. I like your edits although "he appeared to be avoiding making eye contact" seems like a mouthful. Great edits to an already well written story.

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  10. I also like that you added a new paragraph to help explain the situation more, I also like the new title.

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  11. The title is definitely a title and not a headline which is what we are required to write, but I did like it and I see a few spelling errors but overall I liked the edit.

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  12. I thought this edit cleaned up some of the details and made it a little easier to follow.

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  13. The edits added a bit more flow to the story and made it easier to understand. Nice job.

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