Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Man agrees to covert mission

The young man approached the movie theatre. To his surprise he was not the first to arrive. He saw his roommate leaning against the brick exterior of the building waiting for the others. Immediately the young man knew that something was up. His roommate still had his work shirt on and tucked in, two things that his roommate never did. The way he was leaning against the wall was peculiar as his body was contorted strangely as if to conceal something behind him. 

“Hey, what’s up?” asked the young man cautiously, giving a two-finger wave to his roommate.

“Oh not much,” replied his roommate offering no salute of his own, “I got a favor to ask of you though.”

“What is it?” said the young man, curious about his roommate’s request. His roommate was not one to request a favor.

“Before I can tell you, you have to agree to help me. I need your word on this one,” said the roommate gravely as he glanced from side to side slowly.

The young man became a little worried. His roommate, while a decent guy, had a long history of flaunting his disregard for laws and social norms. The young man had no idea what he would be agreeing to, but knew it could be any of an endless number of task. The need for secrecy colored his thoughts making each possibility less appealing than the last. The young man also knew that once he gave his word he would be bound to it since his roommate would never allow him to back out of an agreement. With a deep breath the young man gave his answer.

“I know you could be asking me to do anything, but I trust that you wouldn’t ask me to do something I wasn’t comfortable with. Sure, I’ll help you, you have my word. What is it you need me to do?”

A smirk slowly stole over his roommate’s face as he craned his neck in the direction of the front door. Seeing the coast was clear his roommate turned his attention back to the young man.

“I have a pound of Laffy Taffy on me, but not enough pocket space to smuggle it all in. I need the use of your cargo pants to get it all through the front door undetected,” said his roommate.

His roommate stood up straight and untucked his shirt causing candy to plummet to the ground like a piƱata. The young man laughed loudly in relief and disbelief. His heart was still racing. Out of every possibility he conceived this was not one of them. 

“Oh my god dude,” said the young man, “I thought I was going to be muling drugs or jumping someone with the way you were acting. Why do you have to be so dramatic?”

“Life’s more fun with a little, well-managed drama.”


  1. Good story, funny ending. Maybe a different title, but all in all I liked it. Nice job!

  2. I honestly wouldn't change anything. I was think of another title though. I like the one you have but it could be more exciting you know. Other than that I loved it, it had suspense and humor, which are two very great things in a story.

  3. Nice job, Brian! One suggestion I'd have would be placing commas after the introductory words and phrases "To his surprise" (second sentence) and "Immediately" (fourth sentence.)

  4. Like Emily said, you are missing a few commas here and there. I enjoyed how you set up the story with a description of your friend and how it was so unusual. You built the story up well and used descriptive verbs.

  5. I actually laughed at this. I love how you built the suspense and threw the punchline in at the right time. Great job!

  6. This story was really funny and I enjoyed reading it. Some people said you were missing commas but that's a weak point for me so I didn't notice. I think a headline change would be nice.

  7. Very interesting story! I like the way you describe the story. I notice that there has few punctuation problems (I always can't find). Still, nice job!

  8. That was a great story. Love the humor.

  9. I really like your story. You did a nice job of adding humor. I also really like your headline, very nice all around. All I really saw were a few punctuation errors. Good job.

  10. This is awesome. I really enjoyed reading it Brian. I love your use of adjectives.

  11. You did a great job with the little details of the story. Besides a few errors here or there, I though this was really good!

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    1. I really enjoyed your story. It was easy to read and entertaining as well. I was only able to find a few small errors. Well done.

  13. I actually like the title, I think its more your style so it might not appeal to everyone but that's OK. I didn't find many errors and I likes the details that were used throughout.