By Yujie Zai
After the class in the evening, she hung
out with her friend Zoey. They discussed the difficult tasks they met while
doing the homework. They complained how much pressure they were but also
encouraged each other to keep moving on and attend the university that they
wished to study at.
Suddenly, they both saw something shining
in the bush. They were both surprised and trying to find out what it was. At
first, they thought it was something that might be left by someone by chance,
and it happened to shine in the dark with some special paint or something else
on it. Then they went closer to it, step by step, and they tried our best to be
quiet and even held our breath. Everything around them was all in silence. As
they moved towards to it, they began to think it might be an insect.
“Wow!” they both shouted out in our hearts.
“Maybe it is a …… firefly!” They were both shocked, but they calmed down soon,
not wanting to scare the firefly away.
Finally, they saw it. It was really small,
cute, and fragile as if once they touched it, it might die. The light appeared
to them a lot: it shined regularly, a time lighter, another time darker. They
counted the times that it shined, “One, two, three,” just like the stars that
fall from the sky.
At last, they held it in our hands. It could be called Tiny! It began to
crawl on their hands. This did not feel comfortable, but a little itchy. They
wanted to hold it a little longer to observe it. They saw that there was a
battery on it is body, which could tell them how long it could live.
It was
really marvelous. They were really so excited to have seen it and seemed very
happy. The fireflies like the light of hope, gave them courage to face the
difficulty.
That was a cute story Yujie, I like the title. :)
ReplyDeleteI was a little confused with some of the word choice throughout the story but it was still great!
ReplyDeleteGood job of capturing a sense of wonder. This story made me smile.
ReplyDeleteI agree you did a great job capturing a small moment! Nice job. :) There were several places where the wording didn't quite flow together or where the subjects and verbs disagreed. For example... "Then they went closer to it, step by step, and they tried our best to be quiet and even held our breath." Be careful not to change perspectives/subjects in the middle of the story. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Emily. The subject-verb agreement is off in some parts of the story, but I was still able to understand the story. The story reminds me of childhood!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful moment! This really made me smile.
ReplyDeleteVery nice story, I like your headline. I just saw a few grammatical errors. Overall, nice job.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great story. At times I was confused as to what was happening but it was a great little story regardless.
ReplyDeleteI love your story. It was very sweet and simple. I noticed a few small errors and it could be a tad confusing at parts but all in all you did a good job. It was such a small and simple moment but you made it seem incredible and like it was one of the best moments in your life, which I feel like is the whole point to this assignment, so great job at doing that. I liked the headline of the edited story better because it sounds more like a headline for like a newspaper or article but if this was a story in a magazine or a book or something like that I would choose this headline.
ReplyDeleteJust a few errors but I really enjoyed your story and I like the title. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteI thought this story was very heartfelt and sweet. It was a great description of a moment in time, and it seemed remarkable. I've had a few moments like this. Good job.
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