Monday, November 10, 2014

Girl struggles to be on time

She glanced down at her phone and realized she was already five minutes late to her first class of the day. Once again, she was going to be tardy.

She would have been on time if she hadn't started her day with such a bad morning. She had set the alarm on her phone to go off at 8:15 a.m. as usual. That gave her 45 minutes to complete her morning routine, which for her, was plenty of time. But after strangely waking up on her own, she learned that her alarm had not gone off at 8:15 a.m. as it was supposed to. It was now 8:45 a.m. and her chances of making it to class on time were slim to none. She wondered what had gone wrong. Was the phone on silent during the night? Was there a problem with the phone? After checking the time she had set for the alarm on her phone, she found that it was her own fault. She had set the time correctly at 8:15, but failed to set the alarm to a.m. instead of p.m. 

She rushed to get ready trying to forget her mistake. She grabbed clothes from around her room while running a quick comb through her hair. There was no time to even look in the mirror to see if she looked at least half-decent. 

She would have almost been on time if it wasn't for the lost shoe. She had one shoe on but searched frantically for the second. Her pesky dog had a bad habit of stealing shoes and hiding them where ever he pleased. She searched under her bed and under the couch before finally spotting the shoe behind the door. She was tempted to yell at the dog, but decided for time's sake to move on. The time slowly ticking by in her head.

The girl was only going to be a little late. 8:55 a.m. appeared on her clock and she knew that if she could drive a little faster than normal to her school, she would make it. But every stop light turned red right before her arrival, catching her in the morning traffic jam. Her hands moved up and down the steering wheel anxiously and she muttered "c'mon, c'mon, c'mon" over and over again under her breath. She turned into the parking lot and took sighed. Her clock said 8:59 a.m. She was late, but not too late. 

Her next task was to find a parking spot, which at her university was nearly impossible. She circled the parking lot for the first time quickly, looking out her window at every parking stall to find an open one. There was nothing open. She circled one more time; this time more carefully to spot any available stalls she may have missed. 

As she finally found a spot, the clock read 9:05 and she knew that she was more than late, she was really late. She jumped out of her car, grabbed her bag, and sprinted to her first class of the day. 
 
Edited by Sarah Seuell

11 comments:

  1. I like the new title. Good job on the edits. :)

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  2. It's a better title. I think your edits were nicely placed, you didn't change the overall story so good job.

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  3. If the girl in question is in college then I think she should be called a woman if over 18 in the headline. Good job!

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  4. I liked your edits to the story. They helped clean it up a little. Good job.

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  5. Nice job, Sarah! I had the same question at Farai. The story mentions "her university," so we can probably assume that she's in college and should be referred to as a "woman" instead of a "girl." I noticed a couple of misplaced commas. (For example, I don't think there should be one between "bag" and "and" in the last sentence.) Overall, great job editing!

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  6. The change of the headline is good! But I agree with Farai and Emily, about the girl and woman question. I think if use woman in this headline, it will be a little awkward. May be use an other word or make some changes to this headline. The editing of the body content is great! Nice job!

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  7. You did a nice job editing this story. I also caught the "girl" in the title, very small mistake thought. Very nice job.

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  8. I agree with everyone on the headline comments but I actually like the previous headline better. The fact that it was the first day of class I feel like is a very important part of the story and I think it should stay in the headline but I do still like yours.Other than that I felt like there were not very many errors that you had to correct but I do like what you did change to the story.

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  9. I like the edits you have made and I get the challenge within the title. Maybe rewording the title would be the best thing to do, Nice job.

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  10. Ugh, A day in my life. The edits are great, I'm glad they kept the integrity of the original story. I like the title because it's straight to the point. Someone pointed out in one of my stories that we should use woman instead of girl because of the age. But other than that, its a keeper.

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