Thursday, November 20, 2014

Mysterious knocks shock friends



(Edited)
Two best friends, Megan and Destiny, had a sleepover at Megan’s house. Her parents were out of town that night and they thought it was going great. The house sits back about 300 feet from any other house in their neighborhood next a grove of trees. It would have been the perfect setting for any horror story. They were watching The Hills Have Eyes, comfy and snuggled up on the couch. The movie got a little too scary for their liking and, being that they were alone, they decided to pause the movie. Besides, they were extremely hungry and macaroni and cheese with hotdogs in it sounded amazing at the moment. So they headed into the kitchen and started boiling some water while they chafed away about how they both were going to have nightmares. 

 Suddenly somebody or something knocked on the front door. Since they were home alone that was not something they wanted to hear, especially after watching The Hills Have Eyes. They were beyond freaked out and slowly walked to the front door to see who was there. They didn’t see anyone so they opened the door regardless of their fear. No one was there. Understandably even more freaked out, they went back to kitchen to finish their macaroni and cheese and hoped that nothing would happen.

A few minutes later they heard knocking at the door again. Now, beyond terrified, they both grabbed a knife and checked the door again. Once again no one was there. Luckily, Destiny lived up the street and had an older brother. She called him, explained the situation and told him he had to come get them immediately while Megan sat on the kitchen floor with a blanket over her head and a foot long knife in her hands, trying not to cry. 

Finally, after what seemed like forever, her brother came to the rescue and the girls sprinted as fast as they could to his car. While going down Megan’s mile long driveway they saw a man walk across the driveway heading towards the neighbor’s house. It crept all of them out and they were all glad to get out of there.

After a night of reminiscing about what had just happened to them Megan got a call from her parents. They asked if anything happened to them last night. She said yes and, as her heart rate increased, she asked them why they asked that. They replied that their neighbors were home alone too and heard someone messing around their house. The guy they saw walking across their driveway was one of their neighbors who was checking to make sure everything was alright. To this day no one knows who or what was knocking on their houses but it’s a night none of them will ever forget. 

12 comments:

  1. Fantastic headline, Brian! I also like the edits you made to the story. They helped the overall flow and made it easier to read and understand. Great job!

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  2. You took out some words in the story that really weren't needed. In the original, I noticed a few in the first paragraph. Good job catching those and adding more of a objective feel to the story.

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  3. Good job on the edits. I like the new title too.

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  4. I think it flows a bit better, good job.

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  5. I like the edits you made it really flows now. I have to say I like the original headline better but I know that you had to change it.

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  6. I more like the new headline actually. You also did some changes for the body content. I think you made the end of story more clear. Great job!

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  7. Your great edits provided a smooth transition throughout the story. Great job.

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  8. Nice job Brian. Your edits allow the story to flow better. I also like your headline change.

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  9. I thought the original story flowed well but this version flows very well. I noticed a few mistakes but the changes you made greatly increased the readability. Great job!

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  10. Fantastic headline! Good job with the edit!

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  11. The headline really stands out and as others have said the editing you have done allows the story to flow well. Nice job.

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  12. I think I like the new headline. It's catchy and a nice play on words while also being very descriptive of what the story is about. That's exactly what we want! I like all the changes to make the story more concise too, it makes it very clear and easy to read.

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