“That can’t be him,”
she thought as she squinted her eyes to get a better look. “Why would he be walking out in public alone?”
She continued walking along sidewalk as they got closer together.
Although she wasn’t positive if it was him, she debated turning around or
quickly running across the street. He was wearing sunglasses and was keeping
his head down to look at his phone, which made it impossible to tell from so
far away. What if it was him? What would she do? What would she say? She wasn’t
sure if she should say anything because he appeared as if he was trying to
avoid making eye contact with anyone.
Her internal battle didn’t last much longer. Soon, they were
just several feet apart. It was him! Her walking pace began to slow down. Butterflies
began to flutter deep in the pit of her stomach. She was too stunned to know
what to say. As they passed each other, he looked up at her, smiled and said “hey.”
She returned his greeting, and the moment was gone before she knew it.
She was slightly disappointed
that she hadn’t made the effort to have an actual conversation with him. How
could she let an opportunity like that pass her by? As she made her way to the
theater, she decided to be content with the chance meeting that did occur even though
it only lasted for about a second. He obviously hadn’t wanted to draw attention
to himself. Stopping him in the middle of the sidewalk might have triggered a
reaction from other passersby.
“It’s okay,” she
thought to herself. “He wouldn’t have
wanted you to stop him anyway.”
Good story, my only thought is the quote "hey." . Since it was the beginning of his speech maybe the 'h' should have been capitalized but I could be wrong. Good story again. If I was the girl I would have passed out lol.
ReplyDeleteYour word choice made it easy to depict the characters emotions. Great job writing this!
ReplyDeleteI felt like I was in your head! Bravo, this was easy to follow, and I was right there with this girl, butterflies and all. Now, who is this mystery performer?
ReplyDeleteI love your introduction. The first two sentences were very captivating and made me want to know who she saw and most importantly why it was weird that he was walking in public alone. I had so many thoughts running through my head so I absolutely had to read on. Also the ending was not what I expected at all and I like that. Honestly I was thinking it was an ex-boyfriend or someone she really liked but nope it was a star. I like the twist and the fact that your story had me waiting and wondering. I also like that you made the story very short, simple and sweet. I saw the whole moment and even though it wasn't much it made happy to read. Good job!!
ReplyDeleteThat first paragraph after the introductory quote is great! I love the, "what would she do" and "what would she say?" I could really feel that internal battle as I read along. Great job!!
ReplyDeleteLove this story! I was captivated the entire time. I wasn't sure what was going to happen next. The edit of this will be difficult because it is already so suspenseful. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great story. I like how you build the story up by revealing the thoughts that are in the girls head. The headline needs some work. Maybe make it longer! Good job.
ReplyDeleteGood build up! Not gonna like, I wanted to know who the musician was.
ReplyDeleteVery nice job. I thought you did a great job of allowing the readers to know what was going through her mind.
ReplyDeleteThe description of character's psychological activity is great. I like the way you described the girl's inner work.
ReplyDeleteI didn't even look for mistakes, I just wanted to know who he was! Then I had to reread it. Haha. Great work Emily- wonderful descriptions.
ReplyDeleteThe inner thoughts of the girl was fun to read. I enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteVery descriptive and well written. Nice job.
ReplyDelete