By: Veronica Diaz
Team 3
Laughter rang from outside. The
warm summer sun shines over a picture of childhood innocence. The woman smiles at the scene. The youth of the neighborhood has collected on the street in front of her house to enjoy one of the last days of summer.
“Car!” one
of the boys yelled. The kids quickly part to the side of the street as the blue
Ford Explorer passes by. They anxiously wait for the signal.
“All clear!” another boy yells.
The offense
and defense line back up and the game resumes. The young girls grab their jump
ropes and begin another game with their little brothers. On the sidewalk a two little blond girls are drawing with chalk, their hopscotch is almost complete.
All of the children's faces show no worries through their smiles as they continue to indulge in their activities. The
neighborhood supervises them throughout the day in an unspoken agreement. Only
sunset will cause bring this scene to end. Everyone returns to their homes,
until tomorrow sun brings new adventures.
Cute story Veronica. Easy to relate to. I like the title, being a kid again would definitely feel like paradise. :)
ReplyDeleteWell written, the headline however is lacking a verb. It is more of a title than a headline. I enjoyed it and your use of descriptive words allowed me to imagine your story in my head very clearly. Good job.
ReplyDeleteI wish we could all go back to those days. Cute little snapshot of life!
ReplyDeleteI like the basis of the story! It is something that we can all relate to. But I wish it was a little longer!
ReplyDeleteNice job Veronica! I agree with Farai that the headline is more of a title because it doesn't have a verb. Also, I think all words in a headline should be lowercase except for the first word and any proper nouns. Just a couple of thoughts! :)
ReplyDeleteJust a few extra words that could be taken out of a really cute story that reminds me that I would really love to go back to those days.
ReplyDeleteVery nice job! Makes you wish you could go back and be a kid again. It could be a little longer, but good job overall.
ReplyDeleteThere is no verb in this headline. The story is sweet. I wish I can never grow up. Nice story!
ReplyDeleteYou did a really good job of making the reader feel and imagine each moment. I like that you were able to do that. It builds a connection to the reader, and I enjoyed it. I do think the title needs some tweaking, it doesn't read like a headline. Like others said, it lacks a verb. But other than that. its a really nicely written story.
ReplyDeleteShort and sweet! Such a good story that brings back a lot of memories.
ReplyDeleteI like it for all the reasons listed above.
ReplyDeleteNice job with this story it is well written and very easy to relate too.
ReplyDelete