“That
can’t be him,” she
thought as she squinted her eyes to get a better look. “Why
would he be walking out in public alone?”
She
continued walking along the sidewalk. Soon they were closer
together. Although she wasn't positive if it was him, she
debated turning around or quickly running across the street. He was
wearing sunglasses and kept his head down to look at his phone, which
made it impossible to tell from so far away. What if it was him? What
would she do? What would she say? She wasn't sure if she
should say anything, because he appeared to be avoiding making
eye contact with others.
Her
internal battle didn't last much longer, because she soon
realized they were just several feet apart. It was him! Her walking
pace began to slow down. Butterflies began to flutter deep in
the pit of her stomach. She was too stunned and star struck to know
what to say. As they passed each other, he looked up from his phone,
smiled at her and said “hey.” She returned his greeting, and the
moment was gone before she knew it.
She
was slightly disappointed that she hadn't made the effort
to have an actual conversation with him. How could she let that
opportunity pass her by? As she made her way to the theater, she
decided to be content with the chance meeting that did occur even
though it only lasted for about a second. He obviously hadn't wanted
to draw attention to himself. Stopping him in the middle of the
sidewalk might have triggered a reaction from others.
“It’s
okay,” she
thought to herself. “He
probably wouldn't have wanted you to stop him anyway.”
She
reclaimed her spot near the front of the line and waited for the
doors of the Granada Theater to open. She would be seeing him again
in about an hour. This time, however, he would be the one on stage
preforming.
I liked that you changed the last paragraph to explain that he would be on stage performing. It was a good edit.
ReplyDeleteI loved the new title. Good job editing this!
ReplyDeleteGood job editing, Johanna! I like your headline change, but I think "starstruck" is one word. I'm not positive, but it looked odd to me when I read it and when I looked it up every result I saw was one word. Other than that, I like what you did here!
ReplyDeleteI like the subtle edits to keep the suspense of the original story. I really enjoyed the original story and I'm happy to see the edit kept the integrity. I also like the title change.
ReplyDeleteI really like your additional paragraph at the end! Its just what this story needed. Good job.
ReplyDeleteI think the additional paragraph and the different headline improved the story. Good job.
ReplyDeleteI like the title change, but I was also wondering if it would be "starstruck," like Monica pointed out. Overall, very nice job.
ReplyDeleteI like you use the words "star struck" define the story. And the additional paragraph is very good.
ReplyDeleteI like your edits although "he appeared to be avoiding making eye contact" seems like a mouthful. Great edits to an already well written story.
ReplyDeleteI also like that you added a new paragraph to help explain the situation more, I also like the new title.
ReplyDeleteThe title is definitely a title and not a headline which is what we are required to write, but I did like it and I see a few spelling errors but overall I liked the edit.
ReplyDeleteI thought this edit cleaned up some of the details and made it a little easier to follow.
ReplyDeleteThe edits added a bit more flow to the story and made it easier to understand. Nice job.
ReplyDelete