6 o’clock in the morning, in front of security
check at Wuhan International airport. A girl was standing in a long queue wait
for security check. Her parents were standing behind her. She looks like very
tired and her head down. Her left hand held her passport and ticket. A big
heavy backpack was carrying on her shoulder in order that she can’t keep her
back straight. Her father hauled her boarding bag, staring at her face, and his
eyes were full of worry. Her mother was holding her right arm and helping her
to fix her loose hair.
After finished fix her hair, her mother
touched her forehead, and said: “You must take good care of yourself after
arrival there. Living alone, you must be careful. Weather is always change, don’t
get sick. And eat on time. Anyway, take care.”
The girl raised her head, tears in her
eyes.
“Don’t cry! Don’t go if you want to cry! If
you cry alone overseas, we can’t help you,” her father said with a stern look.
“Don’t say that!” her mother raised voice
to her father and said, “I believe my daughter is the best. She can take good
care of herself and don’t let us worry about her.”
The father kept silence. The mother still
held the girl’s arm.
Unconsciously, it’s the girl’s turn to go
through the security. Her father gave the boarding baggage to her, and said, “If
it too heavy that you can’t put it on the baggage rack, ask a man to help you. And
also your check-in luggages, after you arrival there, you ask somebody’s help. Two
50lbs , I don’t believe you
can.”
“Dad, don’t look down on me! You just too worry
about me! Please don’t!” the girl said with a curl of her lip. Then, she gave
her parents a hug and kissed them. Tears in the mother’s eyes, and she
turn around.
“Next,” the security check inspector said.
The girl gave her passport and ticket to
the inspector. After passed, she look back at her parents, and waved good-byes
to her parents.
The girl choked back tears said, “Mom, don’t
cry, I will miss you. And dad, take good care of yourself and mom, miss you
too. Love you.”
Good title. Needs a few edits, but it's a good story. Very moving! Good job Yujie. :)
ReplyDeleteI also like your headline! A couple of suggestions I have are to pay close attention to comma placement and when you need to use connecting words, and also to make sure sure you use complete sentences. This was a really great story and I enjoyed reading it!
ReplyDeleteThere are a few grammar mistakes, but that's what these blog posts are for :) You managed to use a lot of details but you also had many important quotes! Good job!
ReplyDeleteThis is a good story. There are some mistakes but I couldn't imagine having to write stories like these in a second language. You did good.
ReplyDeleteLooking beyond the grammatical errors, I think this was a good story. I take it this is what happened when you left home?
ReplyDeleteThe story is very heartfelt, I really enjoyed it. I know writing in a second language has to be tough, but this is really well done. I saw a few changes I would make, but I really liked the story and a lot of your word choices!
ReplyDeleteLike the others have said, there are some grammar mistakes, but those are things that will improve with time! Overall, great job with the details!
ReplyDeleteGood job and great details! You did an awesome job like everyone else said grammar will improve over time.
ReplyDeleteI can picture watching this happen in an airport. You did a great job of describing everyone's emotions.
ReplyDeleteThe descriptions in the story were great. Everyone else has said pretty much what I would say.
ReplyDeleteI like how descriptive the story is. A few mistakes but the story is interesting. Nice job.
ReplyDelete