Friday, September 5, 2014

Welcome Home Karsyn

(Edited)

What seemed like hours were only seconds as she stared at the clock. Although she had just been with her family there was so much excitement it hardly seemed real. Had it already been years since she became an aunt for the first time? It was only a couple of years ago when she met her first niece, Kyndall Ann. Now, a few weeks early, her second niece was born. She longed for the moment when she would get to hold this little miracle, but for now all she could do was wait.

Looking around the house she could tell the arrival of her new niece was unexpected. Every room looked as if someone had just walked out of it. There were dishes piled high in the sink, dirty laundry and toys scattered on the living room floor. With all this pent up energy she felt like she needed to do something. So she did what she could to make the wait a little easier, and she cleaned up the mess. Of course that could only last so long before she knew it she was back on the couch. Waiting patiently for any sign of life outside the house.

Suddenly, the garage door began to open and she was alert with anticipation. She fought back the urge to run outside and greet her new niece. Waiting a couple more seconds would be easy compared to what she had felt all day. The door swung open and there she was, Karsyn Renee. She walked closer to look at her niece and was greeted with big, blue eyes. Those eyes were quickly greeted with a smile and the harsh kitchen lights.

Karsyn began to cry as the brightness of the lights began to overwhelm her. Her aunt felt compelled to do what she had been waiting for all day for. She slowly reached down and cautiously cradled the 5 pound angel, she was perfect.

Karsyn was comforted by her Aunt's arms. It was like she knew that she was surrounded by love. Knowing she was safe she began to take in her surroundings. Her eyes scanned her knew home and looked for familiar faces. Proud big sister Kyndall skipped over to give her baby sister a kiss. A peaceful smile stretched over Karsyn's face. Kyndall was taking her new job very seriously and she loved having her sister home. This little family will always remember the happiness this homecoming brought them. They were surrounded by love and by family, but more importantly they were home.





*Editor's Note: I should not be allowed to edit things!

11 comments:

  1. Great job! I really like how you added even more details! You used your words wisely and really made the story come to life. I really enjoyed this edit.

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  2. I really liked the new title and the ending sentence. Great job!

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  3. I like the title change. The first title was a little elusive and didn't say much for the story. Also, Welcome Home Karsyn is more personal and inviting. I like a lot of the changes that were made.

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  4. I really like all of the descriptive words you added! It helped me get a more vivid picture of what was happening in the story. Great job!

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  5. Thanks guys! Even if you're lying it still makes me feel better. I used to think I was a decent writing but I'm definitely out of practice!

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  6. I like the title change a lot and the minor things you added. Good job with this!

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  7. There were a few punctuation errors I noticed, and a sentence fragment, but I like the additional details in the begin. Overall it was a good edit.

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  8. Great job with your edit, Kaity! I'm impressed. Your changes were all smart changes and your word choice was great!

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  9. Great change for the title! Nice job!

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  10. I liked this title better, it explained the story better and you definitely made it more descriptive. Good job.

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