Thursday, September 11, 2014

What Will Be Will Be

Edited By Yujie

  It was a sunny afternoon of August. A door was opened. A short and brunette woman with blond highlights stepped out. With a sigh, she raked the stray wisps of her that had escaped the neat bun at the top of her head to the side and proceeded to walk down the rickety steps at her job. Although she was leaned on the railings, she was still walking down at rickety steps. Finally, she finished the steps, and sat on a bench.


  Glancing at the sun, she pulled out a pack of cigarettes, a lighter and a cellphone out of her purse. She lit a cigarette and took a deep drag inhaling. The smoke deep into her lungs while she dialing a number on her cellphone and waited for the other end to pick up. She tapped her foot against the leg of the bench and flicked the ashes from the cigarette. Then, the call has been answered.

  “I’d like to make a payment on my account using my credit card,” she said in a raspy voice。

  She listened intently chewing on her bottom lip with her lit cigarette suspended mid air in her other hand。

  “I don’t understand. I have always paid my bill on the phone. I can’t mail in a check in, I am on a payment plan and if I miss this payment I’m screwed,” she said angrily。

  She listened more to the person on the other line substituting chewing her lip for short angry puffs on her cigarette.

  “When did this start? You sent me an email? I haven’t been at Washburn in nine years. I can’t come in to pay by card because I work all day! By the time of I'm off work the business office is closed,” she roared。
  
  Her voice grew louder and the puffs on her cigarette deeper and closer together as she spoke on the phone. She glanced at the watch on her wrist and kept sighed.

  “I have to go back into work, I only had a 15 minute break, thank you for nothing!”after saying that, she hanging up the call. She took the last puff at the cigarette and dropped it in an ashtray next to the bench.Then, she began her way back to work.

10 comments:

  1. I like the New title Yujie, good job!

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  2. I agree with Johanna, I like the new title! I also like how you rearranged some of the quotes and described how the woman said them. Good job!

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  3. I agree as well, I really like the title change. It's a reminder that some matters are out of your control. Kind of like "rolling with the punches."

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  4. I like the new title as well. Good job editing!

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  5. I agree with our other classmates, the new title is great. You did a nice job editing.

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  6. I still noticed some of the grammatical errors that were in the original story, but other than that, it was great!

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  7. I liked how the story was broken up. The use of her actions in place of the person's dialogue help keep up the feeling of a conversation.

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  8. The title seems to be a hit with the rest of the class, and I have to agree with them! Great job!!

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  9. The title seems to be a hit with the rest of the class, and I have to agree with them! Great job!!

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  10. I like how you broke up the paragraphs. It gives it more life! I love the title change. Good job!

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