The boy sprinted into the woods. The darkness
causing him to nearly trip over his friend who was already crouched just within
the tree line. He dropped down next to his friend as he tried to catch his
breath. The humid summer air filled his lungs, but offered him little relief. Though
he was at rest his body remained tense, ready to spring into action at any
moment. They could see the red and blue flashing lights at the top of the hill
casting strange, jerking shadows over the field. A spotlight panned across the
trees trying to find them, but their black hoodies blended seamlessly with the
night. His friend looked over at him, eyes wide and nervous, begging to know
what had become of their friend. Before the boy could answer they heard a voice
announce over a speaker.
“We have your friend and we know who you are. Come
out now! You are only making things worse for yourselves. You have no other
option,” demanded the officer, his tone stern and foreboding.
The reality of the situation gripped the boy and
panic welled up inside of him. He closed his eyes for a moment to steady
himself. He needed time to think, but that was a luxury he did not have. Before
he darted into the woods he saw the line of police cars blocking their path
between where they were and where they wanted to be. The full moon and the
adrenaline allowed every detail to stand out vividly in his mind. He was pretty
sure this night was going to end in tragedy for them. Clouds rolled across the
moon casting shadows over the landscape and his waning optimism.
He opened his eyes and looked over at his friend. His
friend’s eyes darted back and forth as he weighed their two options. They boy
knew exactly what he meant since they had known each other for a while and the
need for verbal communication was no longer necessary. The boy scowled and slowly
shook his head. Their friend had known the risk and had agreed to their terms. The
first rule was don’t get caught. The second was that if you do, then you keep
quiet about the others and go down alone. Their friend was on his own.
A sudden, cold feeling crawled inside the boy’s
stomach and slithered up his spine. It was a feeling he learned to never
ignore. The boy shot his friend a wide-eyed glance and jerked his head back
towards the woods. His friend knew what that look meant and they dashed deeper
into the woods. Then they heard the sound of a German Shepard barking as it ran
down the hill.
Good job on this story, I feel like I know this kid who's trying to keep out of trouble. Plus, good title.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting story! Your use of action and descriptive words kept me hooked until the end. I particularly like the sentence, " A spotlight panned across the trees trying to find them, but their black hoodies blended seamlessly with the night." Blended seamlessly. Love it!
ReplyDeleteI love the descriptive details you used throughout. Your word choice is excellent and provides a vision. I enjoyed it a lot. Very few errors. Some of the communication between the two boys was confusing, and could possibly be worded differently to be more clear. Other than that it was great!
ReplyDeleteThis seriously reminded me of some of the novels I read. You used and extensive vocabulary with great descriptions. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThat kept me on the edge of my seat. Nice story and very good descriptions.
ReplyDeleteI'm very curious about what they were doing in the woods and what the other guy agreed to. Your short excerpt makes me want to know more!
ReplyDeleteI wish there was a continuation! I'd love to find out what happens next. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI love your choice of words and how descriptive you were! Good job.
ReplyDeleteGreat descriptions! I hope one day I can use words like you.
ReplyDeleteGood story, excellent use of descriptive words. I did not see any editing problems and I agree with Monica, I wish you could continue the story!
ReplyDelete