It was a
sunny afternoon of August. A door was opened. A short and brunette woman with
blond highlights stepped out. With a sigh, she raked the stray wisps of her
that had escaped the neat bun at the top of her head to the side and proceeded
to walk down the rickety steps at her job. Although she
was leaned on the railings, she was still walking down at rickety steps. Finally,
she finished the steps, and sat on a bench.
Glancing at the sun, she pulled
out a pack of cigarettes, a lighter and a cellphone out of her purse. She lit a
cigarette and took a deep drag inhaling. The smoke deep into her lungs while she
dialing a number on her cellphone and waited for the other end to pick up. She
tapped her foot against the leg of the bench and flicked
the ashes from the cigarette. Then, the call has
been answered.
“I’d like to make a payment on my account
using my credit card,” she said in a raspy voice。
She
listened intently chewing on her bottom lip with her lit cigarette suspended
mid air in her other hand。
“I don’t
understand. I have always paid my bill on the phone. I can’t mail in a check
in, I am on a payment plan and if I miss this payment I’m screwed,” she said
angrily。
She
listened more to the person on the other line substituting chewing her lip for
short angry puffs on her cigarette.
“When
did this start? You sent me an email? I haven’t been at Washburn in nine years.
I can’t come in to pay by card because I work all day! By the time of I'm off
work the business office is closed,” she roared。
Her voice grew louder and the puffs
on her cigarette deeper and closer together as she spoke on the phone. She
glanced at the watch on her wrist and kept sighed.
“I have to go back into work, I only had a 15 minute break, thank you for nothing!”after saying that, she hanging up the call. She took the last puff at the cigarette and dropped it in an ashtray next to the bench.Then, she began her way back to work.
I like the New title Yujie, good job!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Johanna, I like the new title! I also like how you rearranged some of the quotes and described how the woman said them. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI agree as well, I really like the title change. It's a reminder that some matters are out of your control. Kind of like "rolling with the punches."
ReplyDeleteI like the new title as well. Good job editing!
ReplyDeleteI agree with our other classmates, the new title is great. You did a nice job editing.
ReplyDeleteI still noticed some of the grammatical errors that were in the original story, but other than that, it was great!
ReplyDeleteI liked how the story was broken up. The use of her actions in place of the person's dialogue help keep up the feeling of a conversation.
ReplyDeleteThe title seems to be a hit with the rest of the class, and I have to agree with them! Great job!!
ReplyDeleteThe title seems to be a hit with the rest of the class, and I have to agree with them! Great job!!
ReplyDeleteI like how you broke up the paragraphs. It gives it more life! I love the title change. Good job!
ReplyDelete