She was sitting on the dock overlooking the pond, hidden behind
a row of trees as the sun began to set on a humid July evening. What seemed like hours had passed by, and she
had hadn't caught a single fish. Boredom began creeping in. She debated just
giving up and going to play with her dog that was sleeping beside her. Her
friend had promised to take her fishing and show her a good time, however
she didn't want to stay any longer.
“Can we go home?” she asked.
Hearing the boredom in her voice, he stood up quickly and
made one final suggestion.
“Why don’t we give it one last cast before we head back?” he
asked.
She hesitantly agreed and handed him her pole. He
grabbed the hook with a smile; he knew she wasn't a fan of the slimy worms, so
he had to bait her hook for her. He finally baited the hook and handed her back
her pole. She cast her pink fishing pole into the pond, hoping for one last
chance to catch a fish.
They had to wait only a few minutes, and then she finally
hooked a fish. She battled the fish, reeling as fast as she could with all her
might. She managed to get the fish to the edge of the dock and her friend bent
down and grabbed the magnificent fish out of the pond. He held up the great catch,
a 5 pound largemouth bass. It was the biggest fish she had ever caught. She had
a couple of minutes to admire her catch, and then he released the fish back
into the pond. Pleased with the last cast of the day, they began their walk
home.
“I didn't know I would like fishing so much,” she said.
“I’m glad, but you’re not going to catch such a big fish
every time,” he said.
“How do you know?” she asked.
I love what you did with the title, Tyler! You added some great details that will help the reader picture this story easier in their mind.
ReplyDeleteGreat change of title! You did a great job fixing some of the errors from the original story and it really made the entire story flow better.
ReplyDeleteI really like the new title as well! It fits the story very well. I agree with Jena, you did a great job at fixing the original errors.
ReplyDeleteGreat job! I agree with Jena, you did a great job fixing the original errors. I really like the new title. It really fits the story very well.
ReplyDeleteThe new title is great, also the paragraph form is easier to read, and the story flows more smoothly with the correction of some sentences. This was a really nice edit!
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone else! Great job catching some of the original errors and adding your own voice to the story. :)
ReplyDeleteI think this was much easier to read. Good job catching some of the errors!
ReplyDeleteThis reads smoothly. Good job editting
ReplyDeleteI really like all of the editing decisions you made here. Good eye, Tyler!
ReplyDeleteYou add some details, which help me more easily to understand the story! Great Job!
ReplyDelete