Thursday, November 10, 2016

Regina's edit: headline: Consumerism drives holiday

Thanksgiving is an often overlooked holiday. 

Gathering with friends and family used to remind people to be thankful as they were stuffing their faces with excessive amounts of turkey and mashed potatoes. Now many are thinking about who they are going to shove out of the way for a great bargain.

Step into any store and expect to find a mere trace of Thanksgiving as Christmas takes center stage right after Hallowen. Target and Walmart already look like winter wonderlands, and stores in the mall stock their shelves with Christmas products, too. 

Instead of saying ‘ho-ho-ho’ this time of year, people should be considering their many blessings.

In recenet years, stores have been opening earlier and earlier for Black FRIDAY on Thanksgiving day, which means employees aren’t able to spend time with their loved ones because they are scheduled to work so other people can save a few extra bucks on a TV or an iPad. 

A growing list of companies got the memo that Thanksgiving is a holiday that should be spent with family and not at a department store and are remaining closed on Thanksgiving Day. However, there are still plenty who will continue to welcome the masses at all hours. 

It is up to society to decide how to honor the holiday, but many folks wish to leave Christmas to December and let November have Thanksgiving.

new word count: 229
old count: 257

Regina's Notes: Write these in the THIRD person. No I, me, us, we or you
Overall, you have some good thoughts here, just need to polish them up a bit
Now, when it's more opinion-based, the rewrite can be a bit trickier. You can decide if I improved the overall piece or if I meddled too much.

1 comment:

  1. Remember to replace "recenent" with "recent." I love the first line. Be wary of rampant commas!