Thursday, September 3, 2015

Washburn under construction

Walking around Washburn’s campus there are many different construction sites. Construction at Morgan Hall, which by the way looks beautiful and it’s almost finished. The Kansas Bureau of Investigation building will add more value to the campus. When walking toward Henderson from the parking lot from the southwest there is a new parking lot going in. Washburn could use more parking especially at the beginning of each semester. It’s very loud every day and it smells like a you're on a farm. Washburn has accomplished a lot in the past couple years with the construction. What will Washburn do next to improve this wonderful campus that offers so much? 

16 comments:

  1. When writing a news story be sure to eliminate all adjectives and any kind of "fluff" that detracts from the cold, hard facts. This topic is fascinating and something that would appeal to the student population. Therefore, you should expand on each construction project that is occurring on campus (i.e. Morgan Hall, KBI building and the parking lots). I wouldn't insert a question into a news story; rhetorical questions are much more useful in creative works. You could add a couple more words into your headline to attract more attention. For example, "Construction projects drill into Washburn."

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  2. The topic of your story is really compelling and very interesting to students on campus. I think the paragraph is wordy and a little all over the place. I agree that you should expand on each building and comment on what changes are being made in more detail, while breaking up the big paragraph into smaller better organized paragraphs. It's a great start and very relatable for many students!

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  3. You present good information but it is kind of awkward. You could rewrite this sentence, Morgan Hall, which looks beautiful and it’s almost finished. As, Morgan Hall, which is almost finished, looks beautiful.

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  5. I think the following two senteces should be combined, "Morgan Hall, which looks beautiful and it’s almost finished. The Kansas Bureau of Investigation building that will add more value to the campus." Otherwise, I agree wholheartedly. Parking sucks.. and I live ON campus.

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  6. I really like your topic idea and I think it can be turned into a very good article. I think you should expand more on each project and make the story flow a little bit better. I would agree to take our the rhetorical question. Also please elaborate on why the parking is worse towards the beginning of the semester and what parts of campus smell bad. For example, " When walking out of Henderson, one smells something similar to cow manure." Seriously though, it's gross and you have hit on a good topic.

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  7. I like the topic. It is very current. I would try to be more objective when writing. I completely agree on expanding more about each topic. I think if there were a couple sentences about each topic, the text wouldn't seem so awkward.I would also try to see if you could find the ratio between students and parking spaces to prove that these new parking spaces are really needed. Good job!

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  8. Overall the topic is very interesting, the sentence structure is just a little awkward. Some sentences sound unfinished and end abruptly.Other than that, I would just expand on the topic a little more - maybe find out if there are any other future projects Washburn will be implementing. Good topic!

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  9. I like the topic of construction a lot. I think it is a very prominent issue on Washburn's campus, especially with the project of Morgan Hall, the new residence hall and the new parking space by Henderson. I think you did a good job, and think it could turn into a great story. I would expand on the issue a little more and explain details about the projects. "Morgan Hall, which looks beautiful and it’s almost finished." To me, doesn't flow right. I would re-word that sentence. In that sentence I would hit on about when the project is estimated to be done and more details about it. Overall, I think you did a great job and had a great topic!

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  10. I think this is a good topic. I feel like the campus has changed so much in the five years i have been there. There are some things in your post that i think would be good to change. one of them is this sentence.(Morgan Hall, which looks beautiful and it’s almost finished.) Maybe reword it. (It’s very loud everyday and it smells like a you're on a farm.) I think you can just take this sentence out.

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  11. This is very opinion based, which is good if that's what you are going for.

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  12. I liked that you used the construction on campus as your topic for this post! I think you need to be more clear on what you are talking about. For example, the sentence "It’s very loud everyday and it smells like a you're on a farm." could be confusing to a reader. I'm on campus everyday and have yet to hear/smell that. Overall, I think you did a good job!

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  13. Grammar stuff: There needs to be a comma after "campus" in the first sentence, after "Southwest" in the third sentence, and after "parking" in the fourth sentence. The second sentence is a fragment. Try combining it with the first or third sentence, or take out the comma and the word "which". Ex: "Morgan Hall looks beautiful and is almost finished." Also, be careful and try not to use so many opinionated words.

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  14. I like the topic a lot and I think students can relate to it, too. I think you should expand it a bit more and provide quotes from students saying how it affects them.

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  15. I like the topic a lot and I think students can relate to it, too. I think you should expand it a bit more and provide quotes from students saying how it affects them.

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  16. I think it is a good topic to write but the content need work to more interesting to readers.

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