Thursday, September 3, 2015

Washburn under construction [EDIT]

Students can observe while walking around Washburn’s campus that there are many different construction projects underway. The two most obvious sites are Morgan Hall and the Kansas Bureau of Investigations building. Morgan Hall which is almost completed, already looks beautiful. The KBI building is also near completion. Another minor site is near Henderson Learning Center and the KSNT building. 
When walking toward Henderson from the southwest parking lot there is a new parking lot going in. Most commuting students would agree that Washburn could use more parking, especially at the beginning of each semester when attendance is at the highest. The construction on this lot is very loud everyday and has an odor similar to that of an animal farm. Despite the negative side effects of it, Washburn has accomplished a lot in the past couple years with the construction. Students may wonder, what Washburn will do to continue to update and expand campus?  


14 comments:

  1. All the edits made were highly beneficial for this news story. Certain edits helped me comprehend the construction topic more fluidly. I would still eliminate the question at the end of the story and add to the headline to make it more attractive. You need to make sure to spell out the names of acronyms and then use the acronym itself on the second reference (i.e. KSNT). Do not use any personal opinions or adjectives in news writing (i.e. "already looks beautiful"). Overall, this story was improved in several ways.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your edits made the story more readable and gave it a much better flow. It was much less choppy and all over the place. However, instead of writing in one large paragraph, I would recommend breaking it up into smaller paragraphs making it more readable and less intimidating.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The edits made to this story give the story purpose. In the previous article, the facts seemed kind of random and left me asking, so what? But the edits set up the sentences better and give the reader an idea as to why they are important.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The edits made to this story give the story purpose. In the previous article, the facts seemed kind of random and left me asking, so what? But the edits set up the sentences better and give the reader an idea as to why they are important.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I see a few missed punctuation points, but I also think that these senteces need to be combined with an and, "Morgan hall which is almost completed and already looks beautiful. The KBI building too is near completion." Otherwise, I enjoyed it, with its describtions and details. Good work.

    ReplyDelete
  6. In the first sentence I believe that you meant to say "observe" instead of "obverse." Overall, I would say this is a good edit. I think that it reads smoother although the sentence, "The KBI building too is near completion." is a bit awkward. I would recommend saying, "The KBI is nearing completion as well."

    ReplyDelete
  7. All the edits were done very well. The new edits made the story flow more and made the article appear more objective than subjective. I found it easier to see the main points about the article. Good job!

    ReplyDelete
  8. All the editing you did made the story flow better. There were just a few punctuation and spelling errors (in the first sentence, the letters in "observe" were switched around). Other than that, this was a more well-written version! Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I agree, I think all of your edits made the story flow better and just more of a story in general. "Morgan hall which is almost completed and already looks beautiful." reads awkwardly to me. Maybe instead you could say, Morgan hall, though not yet complete, already looks beautiful. The completion of this project is set for _________. I think you made great edits and did a great job!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I would not end the story with a question. It makes the reader feel like they learned nothing, even though you had good content.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hey, those are some good edits that you made. I always felt that parking needed to expand for Washburn. The little parking lot they built was a sorry excuse for expanding.

    ReplyDelete
  12. The story now flows better and is more objective. I still think that quotes from students would make it more credible.

    ReplyDelete
  13. The story now flows better and is more objective. I still think that quotes from students would make it more credible.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Good job! Your edits made the story flow better. but can add sapce between paragraphs.

    ReplyDelete